Thailand: Buddha, Buddha, Everywhere

THE WOODLANDS, Texas -- It’s summertime, and many of us are fleeing to the shores and cities in order to cool off and escape from the daily grind. But you need not limit the scope of your destination to American beaches or European castles. The Far East beckons! As I discovered, Southeast Asia is a playground for those who crave bargains and thrive on adventure. Yes, it’s sweaty, and, yes, it’s unfamiliar—but isn’t travel about trying new things? Say goodbye to your comfort zone and venture with me to Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand. You won’t regret it!

Ah, Thailand. You may know it from the classic Broadway musical "The King and I", or perhaps more significantly "The Hangover Part II". While I did not venture to Thailand to civilize the king’s children or engage in legally-questionable debauchery, I left the country with more than a few stories and a few lessons.

Lesson one: Do not cross the Thai border on foot. Just don’t. Save yourself the trouble and the hours in the sun and book a flight from Siem Reap to Bangkok. More than a few tempers and suitcase wheels were lost on my trip, so I’m here to save yours.

Needless to say, I eventually arrived in Bangkok. The city is huge, and it comes with all the pluses and minuses of that reality. Traffic is atrocious—worse than Los Angeles. Poor urban planning has left rice paddies sitting next to skyscrapers. But the city is throbbing with culture and excitement.

Turn left and you’ll see a Buddha. Turn right and you’ll see a picture of the king. The country is overwhelmingly Buddhist and wildly loyal to its royalty. In fact, the country’s constitution makes it a legal offense to publicly insult the king, so watch what you say.

Such reverence is shared only with the many ornate Buddhist temples. You could spend days visiting all of the gold-plated, jewel-encrusted temples in Bangkok and still only have seen the highlights. To save you the trouble, mosey on down to Wat Pho, the Temple of the Reclining Buddha, and see the big guy lounging at a larger-than-life scale, then cross the Chao Phraya River to visit the Temple of Dawn. That comprises my “must see” list of temples.

If temples aren’t you’re thing, fill your days with all the museums, discount jewelry outlets and street shopping you can handle. You aren’t likely to run out of things to do. Some of the world’s greatest beaches are only a few hours away and sights like the bridge on the River Kwai are also within driving distance.

Thai cuisine is notoriously spicy, so make sure not to ask for “Thai spicy” unless you’re absolutely ready. This extra kick is added to the routine Southeast Asian fare of Pad Thai and other noodle or rice-based dishes. For those who tire of Asian food, seek out the flavors of the vibrant Arab district. You can even bask in the comforting presence of a McDonald’s (although shame on you if you do). The fact of the matter is that Bangkok is a global city, so cuisine is a global affair. You name it, they have it—and it’s probably better (and cheaper) than anything you’ve ever had back home.

Nightlife comes in many shades. There’s the shady underbelly that you probably should steer clear of, there’s the wild twenty-something joints and there’s the places for older crowds. Bangkok is teeming with watering holes, making it a no-brainer for a good old-fashioned pub crawl. Be warned that nighttime brings vendors trying to hawk fake and less-than-wholesome merchandise—both a source of entertainment and discomfort.

Remember that extra suitcase I suggested for Vietnam? Yeah, add another. And maybe another one after that. Come on down to the Chatuchak Market, the largest weekend market in the world. I literally lost myself in the sprawling 35 acres. There are 15,000 stalls of bargains and downright steals to be haggled for. Artisan leatherworks, exotic fruit, custom clothing, novelty t-shirts and overstock name brands. It’s normal to leave the market with the distinct sense that you have conquered the retail world and somehow beat the system (mainly because you have).

With my suitcase laden with Buddha statues and a new wardrobe purchased for a grand total of 1,500 baht (a paltry $50), I headed for the airport to get on a plane to Singapore. And then a plane to Moscow. And then a plane to Houston.

Lesson two: Prepare to meet your new friend jetlag. Nobody likes her.